Last Day of the NSLC

Walking down empty corridors that once used to be filled with lively youth chatting, playing guitar, throwing plush balls, and watching YouTube videos in turn leaves me with a sense of emptiness. Listening to the same songs that I locked in repeat as I tried to finish the letters I wrote for the last batch of students leaves a bittersweet aftertaste in my heart. After working with countless students in camps, in classrooms, and in conferences, I can never escape the dull grip of loneliness mixed with that odd sense of void. Working intensively with people and committing time and life to their growth, then suddenly having them all disappear has that effect, I suppose.

It's time to pack up here after almost 45 days worth of intense learning on my own part. As when I left Dandelion, when I left Nanjing, when I left Aimin, when I left HSSC, when I left Zhunan, when I left my Japanese medical students at Stanford... I am at a loss. Tonight was also the last hurrah for us TAs, most of whom are going to be leaving tomorrow. We all went off to watch a baseball game (the Pirates vs. the Giants), cracking jokes and finally reverting to our quirky college selves.

In a sense, my experiences here have been quite miniscule. Furthermore, the impact and "prestige" associated with working with youth is hardly comparable to those working, say, in Washington DC, starting their own nonprofits, or studying to become the world's future doctors/lawyers/researchers/etc. Yet, to see the speedy growth of students over the course of ten days and to realize their potential for further growth inspires me to continue working in this field. Which brings me back to the concept of "impact."

I have been meaning to respond to Tony's wonderful response/challenge to my little musing on "impact."

Perhaps we shouldn't be giving up on the pursuit of impact - what choice do we have but to make the decisions we think will impact the world in the most positive way? - but to recognize that ultimately, our individual efforts are subject to incredible variance and unpredictability. Another way to frame the issue is asking ourselves whether it would be better for humanity in the aggregate would be better off if everyone chose to maximize impact. If not, then we should ask ourselves what choice would be better.

In addition to fully agreeing with Tony, I think for me, teaching has been a source of great positive impact, and while I recognize the variance, unpredictability, and limited nature of working on individual basis with people, I am encouraged by the concrete and (in my mind) positive changes in people's attitudes and thinking. Oh, but now to think about how teaching fits in with my interests in medicine/management/etc.

Oh, more on this later... I'm working off of about 2 and a half hours of elapsed sleep over the past two days!